Posts tagged "deliverables"
Deliverables
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 | Filed under: Douchewords | No Comments
…uh, yeah. Can you wait just a second? I just need to check…
…no, I’m just checking the sign on the office door. And it still doesn’t say “FedEx” or “UPS”… so why the fuck are we talking about “deliverables”?
I get deliverables at the office, sure. Every once in a while I receive the exciting email from the nice girl in reception; “A package has arrived for you”. And down there I tear like a kid on Christmas morning to take receipt of my latest bundle of consumer crap from Amazon.
But we’re not talking about my parcel-fetish[1], are we?
You say “your deliverables” and for some reason I start thinking about the uncomfortably large lunch I ate, and the fact that I’ve avoided taking a shit at work ever since I found the office pervert’s hand lotion, inadvertantly left on the toilet cistern in some kind of post-wank daze[2].
Um… yeah. Sorry. Anyway, “deliverables”?
Why not just call them “tasks”? Or “work”?
“What work still needs to be done to complete this project?”
There’s a question I can answer right away, without having to think of the urgency of my bowel movements… or the foot-induced disruption of yours.
[1] – I was going to shove a picture of a UPS uniform into this post. And then I saw the Google Image Search results for “UPS Uniform”, realised that yes, everything in the world has a parallel porn-universe version, and gave up in despair.
[2] – True story which happened to someone I know, not actually me. And no, it wasn’t my fucking hand lotion.